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Smart dating, the new book by Mary Balfour
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1st Date phone calls and date tips
 

You've swapped phone numbers with a potential date who sounds intriguing, now what? Plan round the following points:
 

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1. Check your answering machine message is upbeat and date-friendly, not abrupt or depressed.

2. When ringing a potential date avoid leaving messages if they’re out, wait till you can speak directly and in real time. The dynamic is much more electric and likely to produce results.

3. Check out some date-friendly bars to suggest - not too noisy or crowded, good ambience, easy to travel to and from.

4. Keep 1st phone chats light and short, 5-10 minutes max. I.e., don’t exhaust your topics of conversation – leave lots to anticipate discovering when you meet up.

 

5. Unless your potential date sounds a write-off on the phone, keep an open mind and try and meet them. Not everyone is at their best on the phone. Remember, the more people you date the better your chances. The person you end up with may defy all your preconceptions.

6. Avoid booking a dinner on your first date – keep to coffee, lunch or just an early evening drink.

7. If in doubt about when to finish be the first to say you must go. Always leave some unfinished conversation to keep your appetites whetted and to look forward to in the future.

8. To up your dating success rate inevitably means upping your rejection rate too – just think ‘next please’ if a date doesn’t work out.

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9. Personal safety, especially for women – if your date is someone you aren’t yet sure you can trust and you are ringing from a terrestrial phone – always use the pre-dial, barring code to ensure your number can’t be traced on recall. It is theoretically possible for your address to be tracked from a terrestrial phone number.

10. Women should always tell a friend where they’re going and whom they are dating.

 

First date dos and don’ts:

Best to view a first date just as an opportunity to see if you want a second date with your datee, not to establish whether they are someone you could spend the rest of your life with.

 

1. A first date stands a better chance of a follow up if you meet for less than an hour to an hour and a half – keep it short.

2. Banish nerves by admitting to them – your date is likely to feel the same and you’ll have a laugh over it.

3. Do lots of pro-active listening. Show your appreciative attention to what your date is saying, by repackaging and repeating interesting points that they are making.
 

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4. Don’t talk about your ex or your therapist or wanting to start a family.

5. Limit talk about your children or your job.

6. If your date is talking too much, look them in the eye, smile, say their name. maybe touch them lightly on the forearm and say 'my turn now' in a lightly teasing but assertive manner.

7. Check you’re not talking more than 50% of the time.

 

8. Don’t drink too much.

9. Don’t be disparaging especially to the waiter.

10. If you know you don’t want to see them again, say so firmly and diplomatically. Thank them for meeting up and wish them well.

11. If you’d like to meet up again don’t be backward in coming forward. Say you’ve really enjoyed meeting and suggest that maybe you could ‘give each other a call in a week or two’. Never wait passively for your date to take the initiative. Leave the option of calling open both ways, then, if your date doesn’t phone you can phone them. But beware seeming too keen, this might signal emotional neediness which is scary.

For heaps of tips on successful dating strategies buy or borrow my book ‘Smart Dating – how to find your man’. It is based on what I have learned from observing the mind sets and behaviour of women who have been successful in finding love. There are enough men out there for women who are proactive and employ my ‘Domino Dating Strategy’. The fruit of 18 years of matchmaking, 'Smart Dating' tells you how to compress a lifetime of dating opportunities into just a few months. Read it now.

Wishing you lots of luscious dates!

Mary Balfour